“In Friendships What Really Matters is Quality, Not Quantity!"
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Over the years, I’ve struggled with having and keeping friends. I have high expectations and standards, so often my friends would let me down and I would distance myself from them.
It hurts not having one solid girl-friend, even though for most of my adult life my lover, boyfriend or husband has typically been my best and only tried and true friend. I’m not discounting being able to have this type of connection, but it’s been devasting when my love relationship would end, I would also lose my best friend.
This is a real problem for me.
Come to find out that both of my older brothers also have a hard time making close relationships with guy friends. I know there is a connection there.
For me, I have figured out that a big part of my lack of friends has something to do with my personality. I am introverted with a splash of sassiness, an over-achiever and a hard ass, all mixed together.
A few years ago, I learned more about my personality along with my strengths and weakness by taking a really amazing test, called the ‘Meyers Briggs Personality Test.’
I found out that I am an INTJ, I won’t go into all of the details or break down this personality type, but I will say that only 2% of the world’s population share my same personality. I knew I felt different and odd at times and don’t fit in easily in a group of women but finding this little fact out really helped put me at ease. I’d say to myself “No wonder!”
I learned a shit ton about myself from taking this test. It was really empowering for me as I used it to learn a lot about how I was living my life and if my decisions aligned. I even cross-referenced my INTJ personality type to see if I was in a career that matched as well as had my husband take the test and see if we were compatible.
I’ve decided to keep trying to put myself out there with creating and maintaining friendships. I don’t think it’s healthy to settle with being ok with having my husband be my sole friend and not have any outside friendships with other women. I know where to make new friends too, I just have to show up and not just talk about it. Action equals results!
When you encounter something that is hurtful, embarrassing or causes you some grief, like not having many close friends, it is something that can be changed. IF you are willing to work on it and yourself, to be accountable and accept responsibility, then change can happen.
Oftentimes, people love to blame other people for their problems. Just as long as they don't have to be responsible for their actions or in-actions, the blame can be shifted onto someone else. Then nothing changes and feelings are bound to get hurt.
The problem that I've come across time and time again is that people have their own lives, priorities, issues and things that are important to them. Your drama is your own and should be looked at and worked on by you solely. It is your issue within yourself and if it bothers you enough, you should work on improving things.
Too often people want to pass the buck onto someone else, but when not having close friends (like in this case is on the line and) the simple truth is that this is Y-O-U-R problem, you should be the person to own it and work on solving it. That's my goal for myself and I accept the responsibility 100%!
LESSON Twenty Four: Smart People Have Just Few Friends